hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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