Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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