You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
