I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
