Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
