so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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