Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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