Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
