i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
