My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
