have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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