My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
