Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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