dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
