Rock
Scissors
Fuck
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
