If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
