so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
