i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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