I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My dick has a subreddit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
