We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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