Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
