mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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