I just pynch a tree in the face
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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