you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
