I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
