i may or may not be watching the land before time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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