A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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