2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
