im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
