i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
