So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
