So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
