Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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