What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
