she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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