1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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