go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
