If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
