hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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