you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
