I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
