I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
