This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
