Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
