there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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