Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize