I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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