Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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