I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
