I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
