My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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