Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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