I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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