Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize