Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
