Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
