winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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