Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you bring me the toilet please
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
