She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize