a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
bring money and cleavage
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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