I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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