i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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