My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My feet surprised me
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