So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
