Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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