i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
