I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
