All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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