your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We have started to decorate penises.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize