She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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