No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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